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Given his decisions and the fruit he's bearing, it sounds like a blessing that it didn't end in marriage.

That's not to say moving on is easy — you know it's not — but that it's essential. The way you describe your second relationship sounds like a sensible, wise leading-up-to-marriage courtship.

Three times Song of Solomon urges, "Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires" (2:7, 3:5, 8:4).

That admonishment is there because God made us sexual beings who, when aroused, are wired to be sexually intimate.

I had never felt so drawn to someone before, and we shared close, deep (non-physical) times together.

When he dumped me, I felt my heart would never mend, and three years later, I still struggle with that relationship loss.

And I do believe it's because, all along, he was a sound candidate for husband. However, I would caution you from letting him go simply because he doesn't measure up to the man you yourself said isn't a candidate for marriage.

Don't let the enemy use a relationship that didn't bring God honor to undermine one that does (or has the potential to). If your boyfriend and you aren't meeting with a mentor couple, now would be a great time to start.

He could read me like no one else, inspired me, and made me think and laugh and cry.

We had dynamic "chemistry" — the unexplainable connection that movies and songs are made of.

And what's so troubling in all of this is that when premarital sexual activity is the norm, we think a man isn't marriage material if we don't feel like bedding him before the wedding. My suggestion is to step back from the relationship a bit (if only in your mind) to see if there is a friendship there.

True friendship is rich soil for nurturing attraction.

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